The reason I haven’t been writing is that I am sick and the illness makes me feel unmotivated to write or to do most things that I usually enjoy. On September 7 I have a doctor’s appointment with a specialist, an endocrinologist, to figure out exactly what is causing my thyroid to produce way too much hormone and develop a treatment plan. September 7 can’t come too fast!

The symptoms are unpleasant. I feel hot, sweaty, itchy, weak,
unmotivated, achy, tired, and overall unwell. My ankles swell up
because my heart beats so fast that it beats inefficiently. I can’t
walk up stairs well. I walk up stairs as though I were a very old and
rickety person. I walk slowly all the time. My entire internal system
is working incorrectly. I need to go to the bathroom far too often.
Other unpleasant things occur that I can’t bring myself to mention here
in public. I feel crappy.

I have had blood tests that show that my T4 thyroid hormone reading
is 4. Normal is from one to two. I have hyperthyroidism. It may be
Grave’s Disease which is the second most common thyroid illness.
Hashimoto’s is the most common. I have too much thyroid hormone which
is like being run by an engine that is in overdrive and won’t quit.
Consequently, I am taking Toprol XL which slows down the heartrate
which should get me through to September 7 with my heart still beating.
There is a possibility that I have cancer.

Sitting down in front of my computer to type takes effort.
Everything takes effort. I feel differently about food than I did two
weeks ago. Gorgeous eclairs get no attention from me. I can’t drink
coffee or anything that might speed up my heart. I feel as though I’ve
aged twenty years in two weeks.

Maybe after September 7 I will do the opposite? Get younger by twenty years in a few weeks?

Right now I have no energy for estrangements. I just want to have
energy enough to stay alive until someone does something to help me
feel better. Life is short. Nature is reminding me of who is boss. It
sure isn’t me!

Ginny