My husband asked me how angry I felt. I responded that it was about a 1,025 on a one to ten scale.

I am so angry that I have been mourning the loss of a relationship where the other person was no more capable of loving me than a rock is capable of loving me. I am so angry that I had that lingering hope for a reconciliation.

Sometimes you know these things in your gut but you just stay in denial and tell yourself that it was due to this other person or this miscommunication or misinterpretation and if only you had said this or done that, then it would have ben okay. Like it is really all just a huge mistake and if the misinterpretations are cleared up, then it will all be okay. And then you realize one day that the other person has no interest in clearing anything up and is not capable of loving you and it has nothing whatever to do with what you did. It only has to do with their deliberate and perverse idea of what you did and how you did it and their own perverse idea of who you are. Some people are just not capable of loving me. No matter what. I will repeat that. No matter what.

Of course, I will eventually calm down and move on. And post about other estrangements in the world and my thoughts on estrangement in general. But right now I am just so angry.

Snicks