I feel like the thousand pound gorilla is in the room. The gorilla
\ncalled "Mother’s Day"!\n<\/p>\n
Twelve years ago my thoughts on Mother’s Day were along the lines of
\nnot wanting to make the day be all about me or to make Robin or anyone
\nfeel obligated to make the day a big one or make Robin or anyone feel
\nguilt or anything negative about that day. Prior to her father and I separating in 1984 Mother’s Day was usually about my MIL who expected to be
\ntaken out to dinner. No one questioned that. It was just done. I would
\nbuy my mother a present and make time to see her or at least call.\n<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
From 1984 to 1994, Mother’s Day
\nassumed less importance for me. It dwindled down to me sending my
\nmother a present and calling and Robin maybe doing the same. As the
\nday became less important in terms of my being obligated to be at a
\ndinner, I enjoyed that freedom but annoyingly to myself by 1995 I
\nbecame concerned about whether Robin acknowledged me or not.
\nAnnoyingly because I didn’t want to think of myself as demanding or
\nguilt inducing or, worst of all, a NAG! <\/p>\n
I can hardly remember now what
\nit was that Robin would do to recognize me on the day. I can remember
\nthat it began to bother me. But it wasn’t just that day, I was
\nbothered by her lack of participation in our relationship.
\nThe distance between us had been increasing gradually. Then in 1995 when I asked that she remember my birthday, she
\nfailed to understand why I was even concerned about being remembered
\nand took it to mean that I was greedy and mercenary. Which is
\nludicrous considering that I had never been remotely greedy or
\nmercenary and had gone out of my way for years to be generous to both
\nher and her husband. We ended up estranged. She estranged herself
\nwhich seemed to me to be a fit of rage which I never understood.\n<\/p>\n
In the past I’ve sometimes had a hard time around this time but the
\nworst is her birthday, not Mother’s Day. This year I am not yet
\nbothered about Mother’s Day. I don’t know if this is normal or
\nabnormal, good or bad. It isn’t bothering me. I haven’t been thinking
\nabout it much.
\nI’ve never really liked this holiday because of all the guilt feelings
\nthat it seems to induce in so many. I’ve never liked having guilt
\nfeelings associated with myself. I’ve sometimes wished that this
\nholiday would be abolished and that we could just acknowledge those
\nrelatives we cherish in our own way. But abolishing this holiday will
\nnever happen.\n<\/p>\n
I never enjoyed this holiday when it was about my ex’s mother and my mother.
\nIt never did seem to have anything to do with me. I plan to enjoy the
\nday for whatever it is that I decide to do on Sunday and I feel a kind
\nof freedom in not having to do what so many others feel obligated to
\ndo. So for me having some freedom to spend the day without doing
\nanything that I feel obligated to do is my own Mother’s Day.
\nPerhaps if my whole history had been different, I’d feel very
\ndifferent about this day. I recognize that you all may have very
\ndifferent feelings and thoughts about the day.\n<\/p>\n
Wishing you all as Happy a Mother"s Day as possible under the
\ncircumstances … and that it doesn’t bring too much pain. I think
\nthat the opportunity for becoming a mom is a good thing to celebrate
\non Mother’s Day!\n<\/p>\n
Ginny<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I feel like the thousand pound gorilla is in the room. The gorilla called "Mother’s Day"! Twelve years ago my thoughts on Mother’s Day were along the lines of not wanting to make the day be all about me or to make Robin or anyone feel obligated to make the day a big one or…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,7,69],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-209","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-for-parents","category-holidays","category-weblogs"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/estrangements.com\/theblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/209","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/estrangements.com\/theblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/estrangements.com\/theblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/estrangements.com\/theblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/estrangements.com\/theblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=209"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/estrangements.com\/theblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/209\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/estrangements.com\/theblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=209"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/estrangements.com\/theblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=209"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/estrangements.com\/theblog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=209"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}