If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you’ve noticed that since February I have changed the way that I’ve been posting. I am not writing posts that are as personal as I posted previously. <\/p>\n
I can’t be specific about why I changed the way that I write posts. I will say that I did arrive at some conclusions, gave them some thought, and decided to hold back on writing as much of what I think and feel as I had in the past. For a while anyway. Because of information that I learned, I made a conclusion. Because of that conclusion I decided that writing so openly would not be productive.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I have stopped visiting my own site statistics counter. You may
\nvisit it but I won’t. Before I stopped visiting, I knew that my daughter visits it regularly. She stated
\nthat she visits it so that I will feel as bothered by her visits as she
\nhad felt bothered by my visiting her website. Prior to her stating her
\nreason for the visits, I hadn’t felt "bothered". I had felt sadness and
\ngrief but not "bother". After she stated her reason, I did feel
\n"bothered" because of her motivation for the visits. <\/p>\n
It does bother me
\nthat Robin does things to try to bother me or anyone. From this and other things she has done in the last eight months, I have learned
\nthat she enjoys bothering and hurting me. Just knowing that she would
\ndo things and enjoy doing them to try to hurt me or anyone upsets me. I have
\na different viewpoint on her than I had years ago. Enjoying hurting others is what sadism is about.<\/p>\n
\nShe is not the only person I have known well at one time who visits my blog. I learned that her father
\nhas become a regular visitor too. This seems bizarre that two people who won’t
\nspeak to me or even to each other visit to see what I have to say …
\nor to try to bother me. I don’t know what he hopes to learn by coming here. He
\nknows that I will speak with him. These visits to my blog seem so very odd. Or does he come here just for information as others do? Does he think that I have something worthwhile to offer which he is interested in reading but not to the point of speaking with me?<\/p>\n
\nI have learned too that his attitude towards me is much the same as it
\nwas over 20 years ago … that in his eyes I am the one to blame for
\nour conflicts during the marriage and our relationship failing. In my opinion it takes two people to have a
\nrelationship or an argument, not one. When most relationships fail,
\nboth people generally have a share of the responsibility. We never were
\nwell suited to each other. Why he has to continue to point a finger at
\nme I don’t know. Perhaps it is just too uncomfortable to shoulder his
\nshare. I refuse to take his share. I refuse to point
\na finger. I continue to be willing to be
\non speaking terms as I always was. <\/p>\n
I don’t have hard feelings towards him. I have some fond memories of him, his family, and our marriage even if we weren’t well suited to each other. I think it would have been healthier for everyone to have been able to be on good terms. <\/p>\n
Well, this is as personal as I am going to get for some time.<\/p>\n
All of this has been weighing heavy on my mind and heart lately. Even though I have been so busy with the other things in life I need to do. I need something to do that is relaxing this weekend. The selection at the movies is dismal. Perhaps I will get out there and do some gardening. The sun has just come out!<\/p>\n
Wishing everyone a pleasant weekend,
Ginny<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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