This morning I received an email from a woman who is a mother and who has been estranged by her grown children several times over 15 years. After describing the basics of the estrangement she said, "I need to move on with my life – any tips – and any help for handling Mothers Day?"<\/p>\n
Tips for handling Mother’s Day!? Her question inspired today’s post.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
For myself, over time, it has gotten easier. Her birthday is generally worse for me than Mother’s Day has been. <\/p>\n
\nOn Mother’s Day for many years I avoided going out to eat where there
\nwere families having their Mother’s Day dinner. I felt as though the
\ncontrast between what they were experiencing and what I was
\nexperiencing would feel too stark and painful. However, my expectations
\nof how I might feel have changed. It is possible that I could enjoy
\nmyself, even in the middle of a restaurant where everyone was going
\nbonkers crazy over someone’s mother.<\/p>\n
\nMy attitude about Mother’s Day now is that my daughter can’t take away
\nfrom me the fact that I am a mother and that I loved being a mother and
\nthat this day, Mother’s Day, is still a reminder that I have been a
\nMother. I can celebrate that fact no matter what SHE does or doesn’t
\ndo. My attitude about her birthday is the same. These two days are mine
\ntoo. We share in them even though we are apart. They involve good
\nmemories and my pleasure and happiness and she can’t take that away
\nfrom me.<\/p>\n
\nThey say that doing well is the best revenge. Since I am a mother, I
\ndon’t think of "revenge" in terms of my daughter. I don’t want or need
\n"revenge." I don’t know what word to use in place of revenge but I need
\na different word. Doing well involves being kind to yourself. Doing
\nwell is the path to healing. Doing well is giving yourself the
\nrecognition that you deserve. Doing well is appreciating yourself.
\nWhich may sound strange to appreciate yourself but in this case I think
\nthat we do need to recognize ourselves as deserving of appreciation,
\neven if we aren’t being shown appreciation by those whom we wish could
\nappreciate us. We deserve to be appreciated anyway and if they can’t,
\nthen we might as well show appreciation to ourselves.<\/p>\n
\nSo we CAN celebrate a Mother’s Day or any other day for the positive
\nthings that it represents. We might choose to celebrate it differently
\nthan the rest of the country but we can celebrate it in our own way.
\nMaybe we’d buy ourselves a great box of chocolates or take ourselves
\nout to a movie (with friends maybe) or buy ourselves a gorgeous new top
\nor a pair of shoes or jewelry or something that we enjoy a lot. Or go
\nto a play or a performance or do something entirely new that we’ve
\nnever done before.<\/p>\n
\nThere’s a song that has the line, "They can’t take that away from me."
\nThat is true. No one can take away the pleasure of being a mother to
\nsomeone we love or loved. We are mothers. It can’t be taken away. It is
\na fact of life. The fact that my daughter won’t talk to me doesn’t
\nchange that. I still feel good about having been her mom and she can go
\nscrew herself if she thinks that she can wreck my life by not talking
\nto me. <\/p>\n
\nShe can’t wreck my life. I can wreck my life but she can’t do it. I can
\nhave as good of a life and a Mother’s Day as I want to have. It won’t
\nbe a traditional Mother’s Day but it will still be a good day. I can
\nstill appreciate being a mom.<\/p>\n
\nThis post is appropriate for Father’s Day too. So if you’re a Father
\nand Father’s Day comes along, remember that she can’t take your being
\nher dad away from you either. <\/p>\n
\nRemember the good times and what you like about being her parent and
\nput the other stuff away on a back shelf in your mind and let that
\nother stuff gather dust.<\/p>\n
\nHappy Mother’s Day to you all,
\nGinny<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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